24. Florida.
Insta: alexisoffensive

Every time I see a stripper pole this happens.

New goal in life: Learn Nicki Minaj’s dance routine to Anaconda and use it to seduce my future husband.

Can we just take a moment to fully appreciate this photoshoot? 

Freddie from iCarly got hottttttt.

(Source: nothingbutnathankress, via i-love-zach-rance)

I got royalty on my phone.

Fast forward to the 2015 VMAs:

"…and the VMA goes to Blue Ivy for dancing along with her mom!"


Anonymous asked: Dear Mr Alex, Your selfie on your "bipolar" eye has an inaccurate hashtag in the caption. Your condition is actually "partial heterochromia iridum". Sorry to break the news to you. Yours sincerely, Science side of Tumblr


Dear Science side of Tumblr,

You’re actually wrong! It’s called heterochromia iridis, not iridum; the latter is not correct Latin. I hashtagged it simply heterochromia instead of its full Latin name because when I tell you to go get fucked by a donkey, I don’t say “Go get fucked by an Equus africanus asinus.” Also it’s completely fucking obvious it’s only partial since only one part of my eye is a different color.

Someone who can’t stand people like you and who also happens to be pursuing a degree… science.

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